Introduction

A traveler’s journey to know God was perfectly orchestrated by God Himself. The Lord has given me the raw materials and resources to carry out His plan. In a recent move to Argentina from Los Angeles, with all comfort and distractions removed, my heart has been opened to experiencing an intimate relationship with God. My Heavenly Father has held an open invitation to dance with Him my whole life, and I’ve taken a few steps along the way, with an unsure foot of Who God really is. I’ve seen the work of God throughout my entire life, with His loving hand, forgiveness, grace and leadership faithfully sustained, I begin to understand the lessons I’ve learned along the way. Now is the time that I join Him in a passionate dance with full confidence in each movement, having faith that following His lead and surrendering my will to His, will express a graceful dance inspiring truth and love.

I have always believed in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, raised in the Roman Catholic Church, I always knew of Him. But it was usually out in nature where I would have conversations with God and actually feel His existence. There are some moments in my childhood where I felt God’s presence and knew He was with me. God has given me the gift of enjoying the company of animals throughout my life. I was blessed to have a horse and her name was Fire. As I look back at my relationship with Fire, I see that God was showing me what it feels like to be in relationship with Him. Fire and I used to gallop the trails, sometimes with my dad or best friend, and sometimes just Fire and I. I remember one time riding double behind my father on Fire through “the willows”, a narrow, windy trail encapsulated by trees; in fact many times you had to duck your head under a fallen tree to make it through the path. A tremendous amount of trust is given to a horse to protect and guide the rider, especially in dangerous terrain. I closed my eyes and surrendered to Fire’s strength to get us through the willows. Fire was faithful, trustworthy, and always ready for an adventure. She was a living example of giving and unconditional love. One day Fire and I had an accident. As we rode over a narrow, cement path with a 50-foot dam on each side, her hoof slipped and she began to slide down the dam. All I remember is her fighting to slowly let me off at the top before she slid down the dam alone. She was severely injured and desperately tried to come back to the top to be by my side. We used to hang out together and she would follow me anywhere I stepped. If I walked in a circle, she walked in a circle, and if I ran over a jump, she was there along side of me. On the day that Fire died, I remember holding on to her, with my face buried in hers and when she fell, I fell with her. We fell to the ground and in that instant I felt her spirit jump into mine. As I inhaled her last breath, I knew that even in her death, we couldn’t be separated. I understand now the symbolism of what God was revealing to me through Fire in the love and devotion we shared. For when God sacrificed His only son to fulfill His promise of salvation for the world, through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ to purchase our sin with His blood, the Holy Spirit dwells inside of us and carries out the Lords plan every moment of every day. What a beautiful glimpse of what the Holy Spirit and God’s Love feels like for a young girl in love with her horse.

I don’t recall my parents ever really being “married”. They were married for 13 years, and their story is much too long to discuss here, that’s a novel in itself, but suffice to say I chose my sense of security through the love of animals in those days. As an aside, I am so grateful for both my parents and thank God everyday for choosing my family for me. After moving a total of 10 times from Detroit, throughout San Diego and Orange County where we ended up for about 9 years, I had a moment in time with God in the last house we lived in as a family that I will never forget. I was about 9 years old and was in the car heading up the hill at night back home. I suddenly saw four white paws running across the street to my house and I yell “stop the car”. So the car stopped and I ran to the four white paws to a stray cat with a crooked tail and then whispered to him in a soft voice as he ran right into my arms. For the next 6 years Lilly and I would have wild adventures together. Yes his name was Lilly and he was a boy. It began as Tiger Lilly and then morphed into just “Lily”, but he was more than confident to let a little girly name get in his way. I haven't been much of a "cat person"; but Lily was different; he was like a dog and the furthest thing from a priss. He was an amazing climber, hunter, giver, provider, comforter, and friend. I would swim laps in the pool while he would trot along the edge. He would climb the wall of our two story house just to get to me through my bedroom window. He was in the face of danger with packs of coyotes and was too smart and quick to get caught. Wherever I would go, he would go. Every night we snuggled, face to face, and I leaned on him for love more than anyone else.

When I was 15, my mother decided to move to Los Angeles to pursue her acting career. We sat at the dining room table as she told of her reasons for leaving. My father, younger brother Austin and I were sitting down and as she told us her plan and that it was taking place immediately, I leaped up yelling and screaming. “How can you do this…this is our home, what about my cat…he doesn’t want to move.” My fear, anger and rage exploded. My mother was very young at the time of her decision and has since transformed into a strong woman of God. We were to move in with my dad and Bonnie, for he had remarried. Their marriage has been an example of what a healthy marriage looks like. I am blessed with three loving parents and each of them has offered life lessons and love that I will carry to my family. In my dark sadness, Lily and I went upstairs to bed and I had a conversation with God. As Lily lie on my stomach, rising and falling with each breath, our eyes fixed gazing into depths beyond sight, I prayed to God asking for his help. I spent a long time saying “God thank you for Lily, without him, I couldn’t do this move…I wouldn’t do this without him….thank you that he is here to help me get through this.” Lily and I fell into a deep sleep. At 7 am I jolted out of bed in a panic. Lily was not beside me. I lay my head back down thinking he was just up before me. A couple hours later my dad came by the house to take me to the stables and as we drove down the hill and past the grass on the right, I yelled, “Stop the car”. I hadn’t seen anything yet, but something inside me said to stop the car. I ran over towards the back and saw two vultures and in the midst of them was my Lily and he was dead. I screamed in horror straight up to the heavens and yelled “Damn you God.” The excruciating pain that poisoned my heart left me lifeless. I screamed to God “How could you take from me the only thing that I asked you for…Lily to move with me.” I cry now with the image of his face as a burning memory.

Years later I repented the day I cursed God. I couldn’t get out of my head “why”. How could God love me and hurt me so. I also knew it was no coincidence those moments with Lily and God before the hour of his death. Was there a message in all this? What was God trying to show me through this? I believe there are many lessons here. First, He gave me Lily for a brief moment in time as a gift. The unconditional love we shared and the timing of having such security during years of family turmoil was from Him. But God wanted to show me that He is something bigger. He is a jealous God for our loyalty and devotion to Him first. The vultures, old world birds of prey, symbolize evil and death to me. I believe God was showing me, although through one of the most painful lessons of my life, faith in earthly things is finite and leads to death, whereas, having faith in God is infinite and leads to eternal life. I leaned on Lily as I should lean on God. I believe he allowed those events to give me a perspective on death and to show me that the only guarantee is God’s promise. And since I cursed God, and turned my back on Him, He used the road back to Him as a platform to grow my character and spirituality. Even though I turned my back on Christ, He never forsook or abandoned me.

My path has led me from Los Angeles to Argentina. After graduating from the University of San Diego in Biology and Chemistry, I thought I would follow my father’s steps and become a Medical Doctor. After that grumbling feeling in my gut (the Spirit), told me no, I decided to enter the health world via the pharmaceutical industry. Working for two of the largest pharmaceutical companies taught me the dissatisfaction that comes from persisting to control what I thought was the best path for me. I chose security above faith. Finding a vehicle to gain status, respect from others and to feel like I conquered a quest I created. And I wondered why I was left dissatified wanting much more. Being a witness to the corruption behind the scenes of those that control healthcare, left a pit in my stomach that I could be affiliated with something I refused to stand behind. The cycles of ignorance, dependency on lies, lack of seeking truth, justification of sin through band-aids handed out by the very people put in positions to trust. For the record, I believe in the heart of a Medical Doctor. My father, although rare, is living proof of a man who selflessly serves others with no motive of personal gain on a daily basis. To get through the rigorous study, training, and experience in the trenches as a volunteer can only be done by God’s hand, so I hold no blame on doctors who long do to God's good work. One of my products to sell was a drug for erectile dysfunction which has been used recreationally for some time. I felt convicted in my heart that my clients were the doctors that prescribed the product heavily in the homosexual community particularly those with HIV. Somehow I felt I was contributing to the justification of sin. When I found out last January that the company I was working for was about to undergo a major layoff, I thanked God immediately. I had two weeks left before the verdict was out. I walked down a hallway of an HIV clinic that I called on regularly, and I heard the Holy Spirit answer my prayer loud and clear. He said, “This is the last time you will ever walk down this hallway.” And sure enough it was. I prayed for the layoff because along with it came a severance package and I knew, God had a plan for me and will provide the means to execute the plan. I pursued becoming a biofeedback specialist as the first goal, and began studying to obtain a Naturopathic Doctorate; a venture God reminded me of many times. I ventured off to Argentina for a time of discovery on many levels.

Wandering the streets of unknown territory in Argentina, searching for dance studios and natural health facilities, two loves of mine, I began wishing there was a church here to join and get involved with ministry. I was missing the guidance from a pastor anointed with the Holy Spirit. Then I remembered when I was in school at the University of San Diego attending a church called The Rock. My first attendance in 2000, I remember as if it were yesterday. The Holy Spirit spoke through Pastor Miles McPherson directly to me, and I sobbed in my chair yearning to feel and understand God’s love. On that day, I asked Jesus Christ to be my personal savior. I did not know at the time what it meant to be saved. Although I yearned to be in relationship with Christ, it was an “on again, off again” type of relationship on my end. I hadn’t fully committed to Him. I didn’t know God personally, although we’ve had many encounters. God has been fighting for me before He created me. And the times I’ve pursued him wholeheartedly, I was immediately confronted by the devil in dreams and through circumstances. One night I was awoken from sleep with what felt like two hands grabbing my hips in a quick jolting and desperate attempt to rip the good spirit right out of me, and I was terrified because I knew who it was. In that moment I remembered the Lord telling me “Do not be afraid…I will never forsake you” and I asked in the name of Jesus Christ that the spirit be removed, and so it was gone. In my quest for racking my brain on how I was to know more of God while in Argentina, suddenly it came upon me that the lovely internet can provide a way for me to listen to a trusted messenger who the Lord worked through for me once before, Pastor Miles McPherson. I began to review the archived services that I had missed since I moved from San Diego. It was through his series on "Bubbes", where he speaks on the Trinity and checking to be sure you are saved. Acknowledging that Jesus is Lord, God in the flesh and asking Him to be your savior is only the first part. Surrendering to Him and allowing the Holy Spirit into your heart is another. Pastor Miles challenged the body to wear the “Full Armor” in a sense by taking the sword, the only offensive piece, which signifies the word of God. Miles said “when the devil lies to you, he is telling you the opposite of what the word says and you can’t call him on his lie if you don’t know what the word says, and you will miss out on all the blessings that He whispers through His word.” He offered an opportunity and challenge to finish the whole bible in a few months by reading 10 chapters a day. I made a commitment to take on this opportunity, and it has been a passionate dance ever since.

Today is October 1, 2009 and I began this journey on September 12, 2009. As I was on the book of Judges, the Holy Spirit whispered "why not write what you are learning and share it with others." He knows writing for me has always been a therapeutic outlet. Sharing God's word and the applications to real life has been a blessing in itself. My purpose for this writing this is to be set free, to set others free, and to seal this liberation. Through God’s word, the Holy Spirit WILL whisper things to you about YOUR life and lead you towards knowing Him more intimately…Your life WILL change; that is His promise and the Lord is a keeper of His word.